To convince

 “I want you to sedate me, insert a syringe in my veins, release millions of chemicals in my bloodstream and just let me be.”
“Sir, this is a bakery! Wouldn’t you just like a croissant or something?”
“Words, words, words! But tell me, are you alive?”
“Sorry?”
“Yes, are you truly, really alive at the moment?”
“…”
“No, you aren’t, which is why you might as well inject me with all the sedatives you sell, and do yourself a favour and give yourself a shot too!”
*takes out syringe, unwraps the sterile bag for the needle and hands it over*
“Sir, I don’t know what to do with this…. Boss! Could you come over here?”
(whispers:) “We’ve got another crazy one…”
“Oh, what’s it now? What do you want?”
“Hello, I was just asking your lovely employee if she could sedate me.”
“Listen! There won’t be any sedating here, not today, not tomorrow, not ever!”
“Well, if you put it that way, I might just have to pull down my trousers and urinate all over this queue of wonderfully unhappy people…”
“What?”
“It’s not difficult, either you help me get my kicks or else your clientèle gets it… from the hose, that is…” *looks at hose*
“What’s wrong with you?”
“Well, what’s wrong with you? SEDATE ME!”
“I wouldn’t know HOW!” (to employee, whispering:) “Call the police.”
“I’m willing to pay! Here’s a thousand euro, now fill up the syringe and let me FLY!”
“This makes no sense!”
*opens up trousers, lets trousers drop, slight arousal in the queue of customers*
(employee to boss, whispering:) “I wasn’t the tenth caller to the police, so I didn’t get through to the studio for my chance to win a police visit…”
(boss:) “LOOK, alright! What if I fill this syringe with some ketchup, would that do it?”
“KETCHUP? How old do you think I am? FIFTEEN?”
“OKAY, OKAY! What about detergent and bleach…? Mixed with… wodka? And some… ground up Xanax?”
“Sounds de-Lish! Chop-chop!”
*pulls up trousers, injuring self on foreskin with the zipper*
*94 seconds later, syringe is inserted into protagonist’s veins*
“There you go!”
“Thanks! That’s much better.”

*falls to the floor and dies*

*money is quietly put into boss’ pocket*