‘Oh my, timmy boy, what is wrong with you?’
‘My dearest, I think it is life I’m suffering from…’
‘And my absence.’
‘Yes, that too – but let’s not go into that, I haven’t eaten yet and my wonderful new contact lenses are showing signs of weakness.’
‘Signs of weakness?’
‘Well, yeah – they said I could keep them in for 30 nights and days in a row (as their name implies: “night and day”), but I’m struggling with my right eye a bit.’
‘Maybe it was from going out last Thursday. You know, you shouldn’t drink so much.’
‘And maybe you should shut the fuck up.’
‘Jeezes, I was just trying to help.’
‘Yeah, I know, you’re being kind to me. I know I went out and got wasted. I shouldn’t have. I mean, I knew I had a big translation with a tight deadline the next day. Well, I couldn’t know the translation girl would send me even more work on top of that for the same deadline.’
‘Did you manage to do it all in time?’
‘Yeah, you wouldn’t believe how fast I was translating. You know, I had a very big hangover and all that. I got home at 5.30 I guess, because I do remember watching Australia play Croatia, I remember seeing the penalty, but then I passed out before the second half. I woke up at 12 and worked for 8 hours straight. I made about 600 euros too.’
‘Big boy, will you buy me dinner?’
‘Sure, I’ll do a lot more for you, too.’
‘Such as….?’
‘Hmmm… I’d rather surprise you.’
‘Okay, okay. I’ll not push you. I look forward to that dinner though. I haven’t eaten in months.’
‘Shouldn’t you be dead by now?’
‘Not really, I’m always alive, I just need to bed fed once in a while. Did you have fun going out?’
‘Sort of. I mean, I really like that-lesbian-girl-who-looks-like-my-mother-when-she-was-young, she’s very cool. Other than that, the usual.’
‘And that is?’
‘Oh, you know, the superficiality and all that. People throwing themselves on me like flies on shit.’
‘I wouldn’t compare you to shit.’
‘Yeah, well, it’s true. As long as you see it’s only a metaphor of course.’
‘Hehe, don’t worry.’
‘No, it’s been like this for some time. I think about ways out. And sometimes feeding you is all I can think about.’
‘But you never do…’
‘I want to; it’s just… it’s not that easy, being where I am, you starving in the distance. You need to see me more.’
‘Oh, I need to see you? I’m fairly sure it should be the other way round. I mean, YOU’re the one leaving all the time. Melbourne is a thing of the past now, is it?’
‘Okay, okay. I’m sorry.’
‘I’m not asking you to be sorry, I’m asking you to realise this.’
‘Hmm…’
‘But you’ll still take me out to dinner, you filthy rich bastard?’
‘Oh yeah, definitely, haha. It’s actually something I really want to do for you.’
‘Who are you talking to?’ someone asks who passes me by.
‘Oh no one, I was just… euh… thinking out loud, yeah, that’s it…’ I say.
‘My God! You’re weird!’ She says and walks away.
I did know the answer to her question, though.
Tim van den Oudenhoven 